Lake Eola, Birds & Cookies, Broken Hearts, The Robot Theory & My Screwy Life Plans

Lake Eola

It’s amazing how even a devastated environment can have the coolest shit to learn from. Swans are trippy. They do this crazy synchronized dance and they hiss. Also, the babies are… well. I wanted to die. Also, birds are just by nature the funniest creatures on the earth in my experience so far. I thought Rissa was going to die from laughing at these creatures. We saw mostly birds. We watched them from one spot for almost two hours. Way better than a movie. (Though Coraline was awesome.)

I’m a Dork

Weirdoes

Trippy Dance

Cuteness.

Black Sawn and Baby

Spear-Face Bird Gots a Fish

Birds & Cookies

So I’ve been reading A Language Older Than Words. I was sitting with my friend Rissa by Barnes & Noble the other day. There was a crushed cookie on the ground by her foot and this funny bouncy little bird was hovering around, turning her head in that weird twitchy bird way at the cookie and then at us and then at the cookie. (I’m assuming she because we saw a few birds and this one had the more plain camouflage friendly markings.) After a few minutes she was standing there and I said calmly, “we really don’t care if you take the cookie.” Within two seconds she looked at me and grabbed it. Of course then another bird leaped at her so she didn’t get it, but it was really cool anyway.

The Robot Theory

I’ve been thinking a lot about how when I was little for a while I was convinced that I was the only real person around and everyone else was a robot, and I was part of an experiment by aliens. (It’s okay to laugh.) But I find most people I tell that have a similar story, and that is kind of disturbing. In what kind of culture do generally very empathetic children suddenly fear everyone else is inanimate? Their parents, friends, family? Most people would dismiss this as a phase but I really don’t think this is natural, it was scary and feels artificial, like a response to a slow, drawn-out, subtle attack.

I’d love to know if anyone has anything like that to share because I’m really curious about it and plan on pondering and writing about it some more.

My Screwy Life Plans

Right NOW the plan is to stay in Florida and go to UCF and work on an Environmental Studies degree, because I get the Florida Bright Futures scholarship and thus automatically get 75% off of college. Meanwhile, I’m saving money from my part time job so I can hopefully take a semester or year off of college to do an outdoor/wilderness school intensive. (By the way if anyone who happens to read this knows of any really good ones, leave me comments with links. I have one in mind but not many people are accepted each year and I have a year or two to find a bunch so I have options. Cheaper end and housing solutions are all very good things…) Then I’ll go back and finish my degree, and then move to the west coast, probably Portland. If this plan sticks? NO idea. I’m insane. I gave up on believing I’d follow through with any plans. And I think honestly I’ll get more done that way…

I’m visiting my family in Chicago soon. I want to visit Portland before too long, for a week or two. I miss it there. Hell, even though I didn’t start to get a social life until right after I decided I needed to leave for financial reasons, it was fun… people are so much friendlier there, if you walk outside on a saturday you’re bombarded with WEIRDNESS at every step. It was so much fun. At least it was when I dragged my ass outta the apartment, haha. If I had the financial means I would be there right now. But 75% off college and no rent if I stay in FL  when I have no money to take wilderness education? Yeah. I’m going to be here for a while.

Honestly, the idea of going to college bores and disturbs me. However since I’m getting that insane scholarship and it may very well help me financially in the future – and may help people not dismiss me as a psychotic delusional hippie – I’m doing it while I have nothing better to do (or, rather, nothing better to do that I can afford). And  when I get into the classes that are actually environmental studies stuff maybe I’ll meet some interesting people. Maybe. It’d be nice. I’m socially retarded as is, seriously, and Florida is lacking in the kind of… uh… subculture(?) that I get along easily with. Most people I meet annoy me. It’s mostly a flaw on a cultural level, but on a personal level, I’m just really judgmental and impatient and easy to annoy. That with my tendency to get lost in my head and be very quiet makes networking a lot harder than it is for many people. Quiet, awkward, AND picky? Sheesh.

Things have been hard lately but I think this is kind of like a new beginning, the breaking into pieces before I can reassemble my weird brain and weird heart into a less dysfunctional pattern and they might actually mend back together in a healthier way. Maybe. I hope so. I think so.